The Tea Party Guide to Being a Real American: Arming Yourself against Godless Liberals, Dirty Socialists, and Sexy Ideas

"America is good. Everything else is bad." So begins the first chapter of the greatest book ever on the second-greatest Tea Party ever: your Tea Party. Or, if you're a godless wussy liberal dirty poopy socialist, their Tea Party. Either way–with us or against us–The Tea Party Guide to Being a Real American is for you. America is in hot water, and this book is going to teabag the whole damn country.

This book has the answers. Answers to questions like Why did Jesus write the Constitution? and What's the most patriotic sexual position? Well, it doesn't quite answer that second one, but the HOT, SCREAMING SEX CHAPTER does offer a few variations from the Tea Party Kama Sutra, and some great pickup lines to use at rallies that might make such a right-wing hookup possible.

You'll also learn where the real Tea Partiers are partyin', which guns to amass for your weapons cache, and how to cram more church into this godforsaken secularist state. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll get strapped and hit the streets, ready for the End Times.

In short, this is the book you've been waiting for–so what are you waiting for? Be a Real American. Order this book, or the terrorists win. By terrorists, we mean enemies of the Constitution both foreign and domestic. And by foreign and domestic, we mean Barack Hussein Obama and Nancy Satan Pelosi. Seriously. It's a very funny book, and it's arriving just in time for the 2012 election cycle. Order now, before the Democrapocalypse ruins everything!